Why shouldn't I tell my child they're smart?
Nick's answer is to praise effort and process instead of intelligence, because praising intelligence teaches a child to protect a persona of natural talent and avoid the risk of mistakes. He walks through Carol Dweck's experiment, in which 90% of the children praised for effort chose the harder second test, and in which the effort group later improved on their first score by about 30% while the children praised for intelligence did about 20% worse than they had at the start.
Recorded June 2023.
Transcript
Growth mindset. Don't tell kids they're smart. It seems obvious that we should tell our kids that they are smart, but it turns out that telling kids they are smart might be doing more harm than In a study conducted by Columbia University, 85% of parents said they thought it was important to tell their kids they were smart. However, a growing body of evidence tells us that while this is well-intentioned, it is incorrect. It might have the opposite effect that parents are hoping to achieve. Here's the study that every parent should know about.
Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck gave students a nonverbal IQ test consisting of a series of puzzles that all the children would do fairly well on. She randomly split the kids into two groups. They told each student his or her score and gave them a single line of praise. The first group were praised for their intelligence. You must be smart at this. The other students were praised for their effort. You must have worked really hard. The students were given a choice of test for the second round. One choice was a test that would be more difficult than the first, but the researchers told the kids that they'd learn a lot from attempting the puzzles.
The other choice was an easy test just like the first. Of those praised for their intelligence, chose the easy test. Of those praised for their effort, 90% chose the harder set of puzzles. Why did kids praised for their intelligence choose the easy version? Carol Dweck concluded that when we praise children for their intelligence, we imply that they should try to look smart and not risk making mistakes. As parents, we hope that praising our children's intelligence or talents will give them the confidence to take on new challenges and excel. However, certain forms of praise like you're a great athlete or you're smart or you're an amazing artist encourage students to protect their persona of natural talent.
This leads them to choose easier paths, which isn't ideal for long-term development. In the next round, Dweck gave the students an extremely difficult test that was designed to be nearly impossible. All of the students failed the test, but the interesting part was how the two groups responded to failure. Those praised for their intelligence on the first test assumed that their failure was evidence that they weren't really smart at all. Just watching them, you could see the strain, Carol Dweck said. They were sweating and miserable, and they gave up more quickly.
This was not the case for students who were praised for their effort. They concluded that they simply hadn't focused hard enough. They got very involved, Dweck said, willing to try every solution to the puzzles. Many of them remarked, unprovoked, this is my favorite test. At the end of the study, they gave all the students a final test that was engineered to be as easy as the first round. Those who'd been told they were smart did worse than they had at the very beginning by about 20%. Those who'd been praised for their effort significantly improved on their first score by about 30%.
The difference in performance between the two groups was a massive 50%. It all stemmed from how the two groups were praised. Dweck had suspected that praising intelligence could backfire, but even she was surprised by the magnitude of the effect. Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control, she said. They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child's control and provides no good recipe for responding to a failure. In follow-up interviews, Dweck discovered that those who think that innate intelligence is the key to success begin to discount the importance of effort.
I am smart, the kids' reasoning goes. I don't need to put out effort. Expending effort becomes stigmatized. It's public proof that you can't cut it on your own natural gifts. Dweck has since come to describe two types of general mindsets, the growth mindset and the fixed mindset. In a growth mindset, people feel good when they are working hard and pushing themselves. They believe that skills and qualities can always be further cultivated through further effort and perseverance. They see success as a result of a process. In a fixed mindset, people feel good when things come easily to them.
They believe that skills and qualities are innate and can't be changed. They see success as carved in stone and predetermined at birth. Let's dive in a little deeper. In a growth mindset, a student or an athlete embraces challenges, learns from criticism, seeks continual growth, grows from failure, and wants to try new In a fixed mindset, a student or an athlete avoids challenges, rejects criticism, believes growth is limited, sees failure as a setback, and focuses on existing skills. So, how should we praise our kids? Focus on the process. Use phrases such as I like how hard you worked.
I was impressed by the strategies you Mistakes are part of the learning process. Teach students that failure creates opportunity. Encourage your children to recognize, accept, and overcome their weaknesses. After all, a weakness is just an area where someone can improve. Remind your children that they have the tools and support to grow in the ways that they want to. For example, let's say your child failed his math test twice in a Instead of responding with, well, this is disappointing, or you're not studying hard enough, or you've blown it, react to his failure as though it's something that can enhance his learning.
Talk through questions like, what is this teaching us? What should we do next? What strategies did you employ? Which ones can we try next time? Bonus tip. Embrace the power of yet. The most damaging type of fixed mindset is a negative one. Statements such as, I'm not good at math, I'm not fast enough, I can't draw, can become self-fulfilling. But by adding the word yet to the end of these statements, we send the implied message that with hard work and sustained effort, these challenges can be overcome. We all want to see our kids thrive.
Dweck's research shows that people who develop a growth mindset are not afraid to take risks, deal with setbacks, or to challenge themselves. Instead of becoming fragile and working to protect the perception of their abilities, students with a growth mindset learn the value of persistence and resilience, which leads to greater achievement over time. If we build on our kids' natural abilities and help them to develop a growth mindset, there will be no stopping them as they pursue their future goals. If you enjoyed this video, make sure to like, subscribe, and share your thoughts in the comment
More explainers for parents: https://www.prepgurus.com/13secrets (the free 13 Secrets to College Admission guide) and https://highschoolreach.com (look up any high school's college outcomes)